The Fox Network hates wine blogs. And rightfully so. They are the dullest things, put together by people who seem to feel empowered by the fact that they can drink wine and wow the world by telling you exactly what they think it tastes like. Some skill.
Come to think of it, what's with all this 'I,' 'I,' 'I'?
Is there some commandment in the wine-blog bible that says 'Thou shalt write wine reviews like the dairy entries of a ten-year old,'?
"I woke up this morning with a headache, could be hay fever, but I thinks it’s the Cono Sur Pinot Noir from LAST NIGHT, LOL! I had another bottle for breakfast, then I took a ride to Vinopolis on a London bus that, finally, didn't smell like French fries and farts."
Interwined is different. The name suggests a connectivity between the beverage and life. And so it is so. After the panning of wine blogs by Fox news, a look at the competition was necessary. Most herald themselves as "independent" wine reviewers. However, the wines they review are free samples.
So, if they drink a free Cono Sur Pinot Noir (It's not bad, but not nearly as good as some blogs would have you believe) then they've saved five pounds on wine that night. In essence, it's like the winery forking over the fiver directly. Nonsense. Why don't you buy the wine you feel like drinking? Not the ones where someone tells you "Your readers need to hear about this!"
Wish someone would give me free wine.
Interwined recounts the wines, purchased, over the course of the week. If the wine is memorable, for whatever reason, it gets noted.
Come to think of it, Interwined also lacks that fundamental wine review tool: a ratings system. The New York Times recently dissed the 100-point scale invented by Parker and employed by Wine Spectator. But they missed the allure of 100-points.
Since the vast majority readers of this blog happen to be teachers… or, at least at one point, have been taught, you know the allure of scoring 100 is a sweet and convincing draw. It means 'doing well', even if the grade was under-deserved. You all know that, at one point in your lives, you gave that underperforming bully a passing grade on more than one occasion -- or got one yourselves.
To quantify a quality. One comment to this post asked why review wine and why not taste test Gatorade.
Gatorade, of course, tastes consistent and that's its draw. Sweaty throngs in soaked t-shirts on the 1st avenue basketball court swirling and sniffing sports drinks is… well… a scene from a movie we'd all like to watch. The draw of wine is one that is incumbent within the prospect of expecting taste. And it works for so many other things.
For instance, organic milk. Like wine, the treatment of the cows, say, what it eats, affects the flavour. A review by this column found Rachel's organic milk placed in dead last, when compared to other brands, with little expression of the cow's personal characteristics. Other than the Moo, of course.
Top of the line was a surprise. Yeo Valley beat out Dutchy originals, although the latter costs twice as much. But then Yeo valley tastes like a creamy glob of grass crammed into a jar. There may be room yet for another milk blog on the net, but, as far as that subject is concerned, the Amish are years ahead of us…
Perhaps if the blog was peppered with neat little ideas, its allure will be enhanced.
IDEA: Need crushed ice for that high society cocktail party? Simply pour sparkling water in an ice tray and freeze. Once frozen, pop out the cubes, which shatter into a thousand pieces. Wrap in a cloth and bash. Open cloth. Behold, ten thousand pieces.
Speaking of which, in an independent tasting of sparkling mineral waters, Ballygowen came last, San Pellegrino did well, close to the top. But the yellow jersey went to Badoit, from the Loire. Rare that it is a natural sparkler, no carbon added, but rarer still that the bubbles aren't obtrusive. Smooth, flinty and solid. And priced like it knows it. Nearly double the others.
Then there are the wine bloggers who spend three paragraphs on one wine. Three paragraphs. By the time you get to reading about the unctuous nuances of some sesquipedalian Sauvignon, you begin to think, 'hey, this guy is WASTED.'
The new Interwined ratings systems will be based on ten…the 100-point system needs to be simplified. Something simpler and not as confusing for the masses. So, from now one, that's a ten if the wine is perfect, a five if it gets the job done and a score of one if it makes me angry. But no zeroes, because at least they turned their work in.
To be thorough, though, the ratings system will be to the tenth decimal point.
IDEA: Have you done your very best today to promote www.interwined.com as the best wine blog ever?
Penfolds Organic blend is a tidy number, £9. After a week of disappointing Australians, finally a glimmer of hope. Ripe fruits, smooth texture, little overt sweetness and a pleasing, yet short, finish. It used to be £7, but as its popularity grows, so will the price tag. 8.7
Got an email from a friend explaining that Australians keep the good wines for themselves, and export the junk to us. Most countries do this, notably the United States, where it would be difficult to find a decent American offering under ten. In London the prices hover around £6.
The Aussies further distinguish themselves by continuing to make a large amount of junk, which they think they can sell, and may yet, when it should be thrown away. This is based on large government subsidies to grape growers and so on. The EU is also experiencing the same problem. An MP in Glasgow has a bill in the House of Commons to get all the left-over wine in Europe distributed for free to his elderly constituents. He is sick of the urban poor paying taxes to support the rural rich, he told me. He is not a big wine drinker, but more like a big wine thinker.
The head of Simeon wines in Australia, David Clarke, last week told his shareholders that the wines all producers currently have in storage, but can't sell, won't be gone until 2009. Three years to sell the wines they've already made. The company posted an AUS$11.55 million loss for the year ending June 2006. Snowball that idea and some 2010 vintages will still be around in 2015. Thes are wines that should be drunk sooner than later.
The 2004 Grove Mill Sauvignon Blanc is a stunner, £7. Good with anything, even spicy sausage. Tropical fruits on the nose. Dry finish, light on the tongue. Two days later, the wine had mellowed to being almost buttery. It was smoother than Brazilian legs during Carnival. 8.5
2001 was not so good for California and Bonterra's Cabernet from that year shows it. Watery and thin, little identity, no wonder many bottles of it are available to buy now. Though it's not a complete wash-up. It was drinkable as a table wine. Serve with dinner. 7.7
Same for 2004 Valdevieso Merlot. It holds it own, but can't hold your attention. 7.7
The 'Taste the Difference' 2003 Connawarra Cabernet from grocer Sainsbury's, was on sale for half-off, £4. Odd, the wine is brand new, but its 'normal' price is listed at around £8, when it was never available before. This smacks of a corporate direct marketing selling technique, but the wine was aptly named. The difference tasted was that the wine was closer to liquor in terms of alcohol content. The fumes alone are flammable. Hard to taste anything else when a wine is pimped out with so much silly sauce. A day later, ripe fruits, mainly blackberry, tinge of oak, still strong. Price was right though. Eight pounds would be a joke. 7.0
Finally the 2003 Heartland Petit Verdot from the Limestone Coast of Australia. Poor Petit Verdot can't hold its own in Bordeaux. It's mainly used to add aroma while toning down the strength of the Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc and Merlots grown there.
Didn't you know most Bordeaux are blends? Two other grapes are rarely used, so those are the big four. Whites will see Sauvignon Blanc, Semillion and sometimes Muscadelle. Burgundy will with be Chardonnay and Pinot Noir. Want more on France, just ask.
jacob.gaffney@yahoo.co.uk
The Heartland gave off wild aromas violets, black cherry but still very rustic, like an old leather belt that will never give up holding onto pants. Also a bit of rust and a hint of mint. But, the label threw me. It was a picture of a shovel plowing, by lantern light, into what appeared to be a steaming pile of steamy little rocks. It's as if the winemaker moonlights in the fabled dung mines of the Naracoorte Caves. 8.9 points, mainly for controlling a late harvest grape most people won't bother with.
Insert BIG FINISH here.
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