A New Year

The Holidays have come and gone, during a period better referred to as, "The Widening." Over the course of the last two weeks, many wines have also come and gone. These are the most memorable.

IDEA: Next year try to keep in mind the multi-cultural nature of Christmas. Hell, who would have thought that everyone LOVES Jesus around here?

It started with a Christmas greeting from the Hindu family that owns the local curry house. That part of the story ends there, cause they don't have a liquor license. However, a few nights ago, a meeting with an old friend from college brings us back to India. We tried a bottle of 2005 Grover Estates from Bangalore, India. Perhaps a Cabernet Sauvignon blend. Once opened, the aroma of wine had to immediately compete with the stink of the charming basement bar we we're drinking in. So my guess is that the opulent bouquet of (second hand) smoke probably did not come from the Grover.

The wine was nominally forgettable except for one thing. Now my friend, let's call him Sean… probably best cause it's actually his name… Sean is what can-be-called a wine critic tester. See wine critics, like yours truly, are wine testers. But others, who try the wines of wine critics and look for inaccuracies, are wine critic testers. Sean has continued to remind me that there was no mention of "vanilla" in the review of Heartland Petite Verdot in this column ages ago. Either it was missed, or Sean's just being a jerk. Chances are, both are true to an extent.

At any rate, we both agreed that the wine had one odour in common: it smells kinda like elephants. No, not those two bit, performing elephants at the Zoo. But proper, 'free range' elephants. For real. Could write about what the rest of the wine was like… bulky and juicy, full-bodied and such. But why? The friggin' vino smells of pachyderm.

And it's not from Tuskany.

IDEA: Begin the New Year by laying off the awful wine word play.

Went to a Muslim household for a Christmas tea. No tree, of course, but we exchanged gifts. My gift from them was a bottle of wine. The 2005 Four Crossing Australian Chardonnay is zippy and full of bursting citrus. The throat burn suggests a price tag around the £5 mark but still very versatile with food. Half a bottle used for a superior turkey stock on the BIG day. Gets extra points for coming from a family that never touches the stuff. 8.5 points.

Finally went to the flat of the director who works on Interwined projects. We had to cut a 26 minute piece with new footage. Came in a put a bottle of wine on the counter. It was for the owner of the flat, whom I wish to keep happy for logistical reasons. The director came in and said, "Hey, who's the gift for?"

"Mel." (His name isn't Mel) "Do Jews give gifts for Christmas, because I didn't get you anything." (He is Jewish)

Exit DIRECTOR. Re-enter DIRECTOR with carefully wrapped GIFT bearing the tag: To: Jacob, From: Father Christmas.

Send GIFT flying across room, smacking into chest of TALENT.

TALENT opens GIFT, finds two extra large wine glasses, each capable of holding the contents of one BOTTLE of wine.

Open CARD.

Read CARD: 'Merry Christmas Gaffney family, to our future. Salud.'

Exit DIRECTOR with the line:
DIRECTOR: Merry Christmas, Jerk.

Indeed. And Merry Christmas to all of you, you thoughtful Jews, Muslims and Hindus.

Now for you cheap Christians who didn't get me anything… Merry Christmas, Jerks.

* New Year's Eve. 2000 Heidsick Monopole Silver Label Champagne. Nutty, biscotti trim. Fresh orange scent. Small, lovely bubbles. A real value at £20 per bottle at Oddbins. 8.8 points.