This Blog is so Lame

No photos or nothing.

This week's entry is going to be short and sweet, for a good visual aid, just imagine Tattoo from Fantasy Island standing in a bathtub full of sweet coconut milk and hot chocolate.

Don't want to jinx any upcoming projects, so best just to avoid the subject altogether. Will say that later this week, say Thursday, Friday, expect another offering from the wine sit-com script. Also expect twice-weekly updates of note. Say Tuesday and Friday.

Tried to strike out to South Africa, but sought to avoid the big grape from over there: Pinotage, which is a mad-scientist hybrid of Pinot Noir and Cinsault. The evolution of the way various grapes would have tasted way back when and what they are now is a curious issue in the wine industry, especially since the advent of genetic testing. For instance, Zinfandel has been traced to being the love child of Primitivo, the Italian grape. Merlot and Malbec are sometimes considered just about the same grape, from a DNA perspective.

Nonetheless, a good grape vine will reflect the location where it is grown, regardless of what it's double helix tells you, and there should be parallels between the food, people, some say the music, and perhaps, who knows, even the architecture. However, with South Africa it's hard to imagine a specific identity. Still can't get my head around the concept. Wine? From Africa?

Apparently, the vineyards are among the most beautiful in the world.

The one wine sampled showed that identity point exactly. While not terribly bad, the 2005 Wolftrap is an awkward mish-mash of Syrah, Cinsault, Mourvedre and Viognier. The aroma swirls with black pepper and tastes of too much oak. It would be a challenge for any expert to taste it blind and say, "yup, that's a South African blend of red and white grapes." My guess is that they would guess South Australia Shiraz. 8.2 not for flavour, but for lacking guts. Also, it's too early for it to be on the shelves. Too tight, don't drink before 2007. Around 7.50 GBP at Oddbins.

The Glen Carlou, one of my favourite New Zealand wine producers, 2004 Tortoise Hill red is also a blend. Don't think there is Pinot Noir, but can't be sure. They didn't bother putting the info on the label. It's like the fat cats of Paarl are sitting in a smoke-filled conference room, leaning back in leather chairs, puffing on Cuban cigars, saying, "Who gives a damn what grapes are in it?"

Well, we do, and it tastes like there are about three or four varieties… most likely Syrah and Cinsault. Perhaps with some Merlot and Zinfandel, for smoothness and pepper, respectively. (Upon further research, the wine is predominately Cabernet Sauvignon, 69 percent… so big miss there. Syrah is in there, but not Cinsault, at 12.5 percent. Zinfandel and Merlot are there, at nine and four percent… but the big surprise is the Portugese bad boy Tourega Nacional fills out the rest of the bottle.) With all those grapes, it's disappointing… and, oddly, tastes South African.

Berries, fruity, oaky, tannic and tight. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. 8.0, because I expected better. Less than 8 GBP, also at Oddbins.

Got an email from the States:

"Got 2 new bottles. Sweet Bitch from California (9.99) and Justin Vineyards Syrah Paso Robles (25.99) Both 2004. The Sweet Bitch claims "slightly sweet" however, they meant to say "sugary sweet". Almost undrinkable. We may just decide to cook with it."

Don’t do that, the dish you prepare will taste like the crappy wine. Unless you plan to make a coulis, mixed with pureed raspberry, for a cheesecake, or mix it with olive oil to make dressing for a bitter leaf salad.

He continues:

"I am looking forward to the Justin. Our local merchant tells me it's his best selling Syrah. Have you heard anything about it? I am always leery of spending $25 on an unknown. Especially one from California."

My reader was unimpressed with both choices in the end:

"That Justin Syrah 04 was similar to Coppola just twice the price. So I think we shall stick with Coppola."

Almost 35 bucks down the hole. This is especially aggravating because the reader was sold on the bottle by the merchant. Come to think of it why is American wine so expensive? Especially the more popular ones?

At any rate, next time try the Justin 'Isosceles'… it's a Meritage, rhymes with 'heritage,' the pretty Californian name for a wine made with the three main grapes of Bordeaux: Cabernets Sauvignon and Franc and Merlot. Never had a bad bottle of the stuff. Or a single bottle, for that matter. Only ever tried it at wine tastings.

Reading that the wine was too sweet brought a grimace to my face. Sugary sweetness is unpleasant in Noble varieties, it works with Native American grapes, but not European. At any rate, that frown was turned upside down when that image of Tattoo popped back into my mind.