Flip the Script

Drinking the 2004 Montana Marlborough Riesling. 6 pounds at Costcutter. Not Bad, but the grape needs a cooler climate. The warmer weather has crowded out the grace and mineral structure of its superior, German counterparts. Stong tropical fruits, pineapple, melon. Light and easy, with a somewhat interesting dry finish that lasts just long enough. 8.5.

About six months ago a guy named Steve at CC Lab was interested in making the wine show. But he wanted some twists. After a few meetings we came up with a format for a wine-themed sit-com, of all things.

In this context, the wine guy would become obsessed with fame during the course of the show. His ignorance, with others correcting him, would provide the backbone for the educational aspects of the show. Reverse-wise, see?

There would be the "film crew" shooting the wine documentary. And then a real film crew filming the documentary "film crew." And then there was a lone writer, unseen, named Martin, who would be personally documenting all that happened on set with his own handheld camera.

You would hear his voice, but never see him. It would be with his handheld digicam that would document why the "show" would eventually fall to pieces, in a testament as to why wine shows never work. The final episodes were to be mish-mashed into a fast-paced, laugh-riddled choatic mess that was supposed to be new and groud-breaking... and, hopefully, award-winning.

So it would be a sit-com about making a wine and travel show, that eventually failed. Or would it?

I wrote the pilot episode and it was never taped. Hate to see it go to waste so here is the first installment.

Anyone out there need a writer for a sit-com, give us a shout: jacobgaffney@yahoo.co.uk

The rest of you enjoy, but, there are still some grammar errors as this was a first draft.

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Interwined: episode 1 (note: maybe start every episode with someone involved in the debacle giving some sort of exasperated apology)

Scene opens on older man, grey hair, very proper. He is identified by a label that appears on screen: "Sir Terrance Worthington-Hume, Creative Director, BBC"

TWH: I don't think anyone expected it, how could we? We had finally burst that old bubble, we thought to ourselves. I remember even a sort of celebration took place that evening. We cheered each other and said, "we finally found a formula that works." It was a very exciting time, I remember. I for one, at least was very enthusiastic at the principle that it would be a success, become a success, and carry on for several many seasons.

Fade Out/Fade In

TWH: No, we never saw it coming, except perhaps Martin. We had thought a young handsome man, not too bright of course, could learn… and by doing so others would learn with him and follow and so on and so forth. But when I think what happened [pause, shaking head slightly] not just to those we were force to make redundant because of this… [Really beginning to break down] but those who were… there… with him… I just… [Tears up] Those poor, poor people.

Fade Out to Black

Audio up of Jacob speaking, hustling bustling set-up of camera crew…
Open to Jacob standing in front of a random vineyard, leaning on a trellis of vines yielding ripe grapes… the shot is from Camera 1, beautiful shot.

We hear "Action."

Jacob: Trellising the vine is necessary in vinification for several reasons. For one the grapes [motioning to grapes], need to be hung out to ripen in such a way that the sun hits it from as many angles as possible ensuring a nice even development of the grape's sugars and acids to create a wine as harmonious as two toads playing piggyback and leapfrogging on the farm…

We hear "Cut"

Switch to Camera 2, a cheaper look. It is shooting from the eye-perspective of one sitting down. It is someone's video diary of the event in scene. We see Jacob in front of the camera, as well as Director David Toba and his crew…

Jacob: I'm sorry, what just happened?

David: Jacob, I know we just started cracking on, but you need to stick to script. [Looking at script]

Jacob: Oh yeah, I'm nervous, maybe if I can see myself, what I look like real quick [stutters to sound man] can you set up some rushes or something…

David: He's sound, so he can't. [David faces camera 2] Martin can you come over here? [Camera 2 raises, goes over to tighten in on Jacob and David, David turns to Jacob] Listen. It says, 'as harmonious as a perfectly balanced scale.' See?

Jacob: [to runner, off screen] butt me. [He is given a cigarette, already lit, placed in mouth by anonymous hand]

David:[Looking at script] You outstretch both arms and add 'on one side perfect levels of sugar, on the other perfect levels of acid, just one tip in any direction can throw the taste off.'

Jacob: But the two toads, you don't think?

David: That makes no sense.

Jacob: Have you ever seen two toads leapfrogging on a [David's expression changes] Ha-ha, just kidding. Of course we will do it this way, Martin's way, your way. Fine. Let's do it. Sorry everyone, just getting my grounding… my terroiring as the French would say…

[Camera two goes back to sit, everyone in place and David says "Action"]

Cut back to the pristine shot of camera 1

Jacob: Trellising the vine is necessary in vinification for several reasons. For one the grapes [motioning to grapes], need to be hung out to ripen in such a way that the sun hits it from as many angles as possible ensuring a nice even development of the grape's sugars and acids to create a wine as harmonious as… [Jacob gets distracted by something behind the crew…] what the… [Walks out of shot]

David: Oh, for the love of…

ROLL INTERWINED INTRODUCTION

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